So I think that little kids sometimes just know what's important. I absolutely believe that children need guidance, good role models, teachers, and a fabulous support system. But somewhere deep down, kids just put things into serious perspective. For example: weddings.
I was a kid once. I was totally adorable. I grew up, which is unfortunate. But once upon a time, I was totally adorable. And back then, in my preschool days, I attended a fabulous daycare. I had a bunch of great friends with great imaginations, and we totally understood what life was all about. One of our favorite games to play on the playground was what I like to call "Hey, You Two, Get Married"
So we would all gather around the playground jungle gym, and two people would get married.
Young Carolyn Kate on her wedding day.
The rest of us were just the guests, and it was quite an event. The playground was the type that had small, smooth pebbles on the ground as some sort of odd, rocky cushion for when a child fell down. Those pebbles were the perfect prop for us, the guests. Because we were spectators, we needed popcorn. And so we would use the bottoms of our shirts as bowls to carry little pebbles in, and would pretend to eat them as the ceremony was performed. After the ceremony was completed, we all celebrated by running around and playing games.
Basically, back in those good old days, this was all that was needed to get married: two willing people, loved ones to rejoice for them, and a venue. Of course, those marriages were just pretend, and in no way valid or real. But the simplicity and fun of those weddings would be a great thing for our society.
Now, I am not married. I want to get married, but to the right person. I'm not in a hurry to get married. I'm in my mid-twenties. To some people, that is old. To some people, that is young. To me, it doesn't matter how old I am because I am what I am and I am not what I am not. I'm not planning my future wedding, and I'm not obsessed with wedding things.
But I do desire to get married one day and I do desire to have a nice wedding. I want a white dress, flowers, and bridesmaids. I want a cake and lovely ceremony. But these days, where weddings on average cost tens of thousands of dollars in the United States, and the ceremony and reception have become about entertaining other people rather than about the commitment between a man and woman and God, those of us who have yet to get married could learn a little bit from those kids on the playground. I have had some friends get married or who are getting married who I do believe have their priorities in a good order, and they have made me really respect them because of that.
First: two willing people.
How to motivate men to take up running as a form of exercise.
This part, in general, is pretty well adhered to in the United States in a general sense. It is a general rule that people who get married are willing to get married. But I want to take the point even further than that, to the point where the bride and groom are two people who are willing to abide by the vows they made before God. I understand that there are things which happen in life that make this difficult or even impossible, and I have no judgmental thoughts toward those situations. However, it seems as though many people get married without understanding what a vow is, or what the vows they are making mean. As someone who desires a marriage that honors God one day, it makes me sad and even scared to see how lightly marriage is taken by many people.
Second: loved ones to rejoice for them. Why do weddings always seem to be about impressing those people who aren't entering into a covenant that day? Now, don't get me wrong. I love beautiful ceremonies and exciting receptions as much as anyone else. However, when I watch these wedding shows or see girls I know become stressed about what such and such looks like, or by such and such entertainment for the guests, then it makes me stressed. Why is it such a big deal? Why is it so expensive? Are the guests also getting married that day? No, they are probably not. So the wedding is not about the guests. However, the guests that are there should be people who rejoice for the couple, whether they are actually bored or not. It's a group of witnesses, who love them and encourage them (who also have given them presents, probably). And it is good for them to be entertained (like I said above, we always had popcorn at the playground), but it is not the point of the day.
Third: a venue. So venues have become a big and expensive deal for weddings. Having a beautiful venue for a wedding is understandably important. And because of that, venues are in demand and expensive. And if a person can afford those venues, then I think that is wonderful and I will enjoy their marriage in those venues. However, I know many people cannot afford those venues, and who might feel shamed for their plain wedding, or go into debt to have a more extravagant event. That has got to stop. It's senseless. People who get married are just as married as every other married person, whether their wedding was in a backyard or in a grand ballroom. In fact, God made the most beautiful (and the most affordable) venue in the universe: the great outdoors. You don't even have to decorate it; it is already grand.
Now, I know I am not married and I might not have a perfect understanding of the wedding process. I hope to one day have a perfect understanding of it as I do hope to get married in the future. And as I said before, I do want a nice wedding. I want it to be fun and I want it to have those very wedding-y qualities.
However, my grandmother and granddaddy were married many years ago at her family's home. They didn't have much money and couldn't afford anything else. They loved each other and they loved the Lord, and they wanted to get married. But instead of staying apart and saving their hard-earned money for a long time, only to spend their savings on a fancy event to entertain other people, they just got married, She didn't even have a fancy white dress. It didn't make them any less married. And pretty much a million years later, they were married until death parted them.
A million years, people. Not because they had a wedding. But because they had a marriage.
